A Tribute to my Mom -

My choice for my tribute speech is dedicated to Margaret Ann Ness. She preferred to be called “Margie” but I had the privilege and honor to call her “mom”. This assignment is bitter sweet for me as on December 22, 2010 I had to say my final goodbye to her. She lost her battle with emphysema before her recent diagnosis of pancreatic cancer had the chance to. I have a quote by Abraham Lincoln that seems fitting for this speech. “All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother” I know she is listening to me as I speak to you today and probably would tell me that this is all so silly, she didn’t do anything special and don’t make a fuss, that was her way, a tough, quiet women that didn’t want anyone to ever make a fuss over her.
My mom lived through a lot during her 86 years and I always appreciated and acknowledged all of experiences. Born in July of 1924 in Brooklyn, NY Calvin Coolidge was president and it was the time of the roaring twenties, prohibition, Al Capone, Babe Ruth and everyone listened to the radio for entertainment. Growing up and living through many historically moments including the Great Depression, the attack on Pearl Harbor and World War II, the evolution of movies, television, records and automobiles and all of the technological advances, even the fact that she would have to do her laundry on a wash board. I found all her stories and memories of her life so amazing and it truly was an amazing time to live in this great country. My mom would tell me of how it wasn’t easy growing up as the oldest of 5 siblings 2 sisters and 2 brothers, and moving almost every year and sharing a room with all her siblings at times. Never graduating high school since she had to drop out to work and help make money for her family was something she did unselfishly and I know she always wished she had gone back and gotten her diploma but never complained about it. My mom worked a couple of jobs but her employment with Gruman as a “Rosie the Riveter” during World War II was the one she spoke the most about and was proud of. I always admired that my mom helped win the war by building Gruman Hellcats airplanes. She had always wanted to be a Wave which is a women in the Navy but was to short so it turned out that she would contribute in another capacity. My mom had always wanted to have a little girl, she had my brother Wayne in 1945 and my brother Richard in 1954. Mom waited a long time and was convinced when she got pregnant finally again that I was a girl, she would tell me that “I just knew you were going to be a girl”, which was a good thing since everything was pink that she received as gifts. I was very sick when I was born, I had what is called RH factor, my mom said even though I had needed a blood transfusion and was very anemic she knew I was going to be ok, because I kept “eating and smiling, eating and smiling”. When I found out I was having my first daughter, I was comforted that my mom had went through so much when I was born that I knew I could handle it too, she was a rock. When I was born my mom didn’t work a paying job, but instead sacrificed and never wanted the career and such, but rather just be a mom and an amazing one at that. She was the type of mom you think of when you think of Father Knows Best, the housewife who made sure dinner was on the table at 5:30, clothes were ironed and beds were made. My mom never liked to cook and she wasn’t shy about it, always said if she got rich she would hire a cook, but that was ok because my mom was amazing at so many other things. Mom would make me clothes, she was an amazing seamstress and she would use the scraps to make clothes for my dolls. She would do crewel work and embroidery that was so beautiful that you couldn’t tell the back from the front. My mom kept an amazingly clean house; everything had a place and was neat and tidy. I loved and cherished that, as I have always tried to be just like that, not always successful but strived for it. Her love of plants was evident in the gorgeous climbing rose bushes that grew around the treilis around the front door at the little Levittown house I lived in. She would tell me about the time, she was told that fish heads were good for the flowers so after a good day of fishing my dad cleaned the fish and my mom buried them in the garden, only the next day have them dug up by a our dog and thrown all over yard not a pretty good odor for sure! My mom liked the outdoors and went camping and fishing and her love of houseplants made me feel that I was growing up in a rainforest. I enjoyed the time we shared reading each night before bed and carried that with me after I had my children but my favorite bedtime activity was when I would ask if we could sing. My mom was not a singer but loved music, especially big band music and of course dancing, but we had this little song we would sing together and I cherish it to this day and she would in turn sing it together with my daughters when they would sleep over. It was called “Give me a little kiss” and it was our song and our special memory.
My mom had also wished she had been a Radio City Hall Rockette dancer, but alas she was too short for be a one, so we did our own dancing in the living room with no audience but ourselves. Mom loved teaching me the Alley Cat dance and tried so hard to teach me to do the swing. My parents were great dancers together and it bothered her in past years that she couldn’t dance anymore due to her health, but she kept a smile on and enjoyed all of the dance recitals my daughters performed in over the years. My mom’s love of dancing is why it was important for my own daughters to learn, even if they weren’t going to be big stars, it was just for fun and they enjoyed dancing for her.
My mom was always supportive to me while I was growing up, I didn’t have many chores and she basically just wanted me to be a kid, I admired that, and wonder if it was because her childhood wasn’t easy and she had to work so hard and didn’t want that for her children. When the time came to go college after high school, she was happy that I was going since I would be the first one but when I dropped out she never gave me a speech, she respected it. She also respected my choice in marriage and overjoyed when we told her she would be a grandmother. I would not be the first to give her grandchildren my brother Wayne had his oldest daughter when I was 6 so she had a grandchild and still had a small one at home, mom balanced it all so well. She would become a grandma 8 more times after that and eventually a Great Grandmother 7 times. Mom truly loved and cherished her family and when we would all get together, she would beam. My mom taught me to just appreciate what you have and live the moment. My mom didn’t win a Noble Peace Prize or have a big career or become famous, she never wanted that, she only wanted to just be a mom, enjoy life and be a good person. My mom did not curse and if you said even the word “poopie” you got your mouth washed out with a bar of soap and yes that happened to me once and I never forgot it. My mom taught me to respect my elders and I was never allowed to call anyone by their first name, it was always Mr. and Mrs. so in so, you say please and thank you. I totally appreciated all those values and now you can say it is old fashion, but I taught my children that way as well and I owe it all to my mom. My mom also never was into politics but she truly loved her country and very patriotic. My mom was the ultimate NY Mets fan, never a fair weather fan. Even when they were in last place she would watch every game and cheer as if they were in the playoffs.
She was a quiet except while watching the NY Met games, or if she got passionate about a subject you would listen, she would take over the room and get your attention. I admired that you don’t have to loud about everything, just things that you are passionate about. My mom was short and small sized, but she was a strong person physically, we would arm wrestle and I would go down quickly and fast. One of the coolest things my mom did was learn to drive at age 51 and the best part was that she did it for me. I wasn’t suppose to get the school bus to High School and she didn’t want me to walk so she took driving lessons and after 3 attempts finally passed her road test and bought a 1968 Camaro. Funny part, I did get the bus, after all but she had done it just for me. Believe it or not, I thought of that when I applied for Hofstra, I figured if my mom could learn to drive at 51 I could go back to school and get my degree.
Writing this speech has been very enlightening to me as I realize that I grew up to be just like my mom after all. I didn’t realize that so many of the things my mom enjoyed, I do as well. I am proud of that. My mom taught me to be the best at whatever it is that you want to do, do it proudly and with great respect, be a good a person, you can get through anything if you put your mind to it. Watching my mom suffer with her illness for so many years never complaining, just dealing with it was who she was. I remember telling her that she could get handicap plates for her car so that she could park closer to the doors of the stores and not get so out of breath and she told me “Oh, I don’t want to bother anyone, I don’t need it”. I told her it was only a matter of filling out a paper and that you deserve a spot and many years later she told me that she had appreciated that I did helped her get them. That was my mom, never wanting any help and doing it herself she was so unselfish, always everyone before herself and I loved and admired that about her.
My mom wasn’t just my mom but my best friend and sister all wrapped into one. I could go on for hours and tell you all of the amazing qualities that my mom had, but time does not allow for that so in closing I wish to say that I wished I had told her how much I admired her and respected her more because I would love nothing more than to hug her right now and tell her everything in person but I can’t. In my mom’s memory it is my wish that if you are fortunate enough to be able to tell the person that you used in your tribute speech why you admire them and love them, do it, even better make a copy of your speech and give it to the person, it will touch their heart. Mom I love you and I will miss you on Mother’s Day this year. It will not be the same, no flowers to bring you or the silly cards and Precious Moment figurines or even any of the NY Mets gifts. Thank you for being the best mom and Grandma ever; I hope I can be ¼ of the mom to my daughters and granddaughters that you were to me and all your grandchildren.